The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
He maketh me to lie down on
vinyl-covered gym mats.
He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;
He restoreth my goals.
He diverteth me from the path
of midnight snacking for my health's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the
Alley of the Vendors of Pastry, I will fear no weevil;
for thou art with me;
My diet and exercises, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me
Spread with veggies and low-fat protein;
Thou steameth my fish in foil,
My resolve runneth over.
Surely, if I follow this living plan
all the days of my life,
My hips will be slim forever.